The Madman

Was jesus a mad man? He gave up every face and an easy death for a life full of pain. How long do you think you can carry with the masks you put on for different kind of people. Do you believe that this is going to work out one day? Are we lying to ourselves. When are we going to stop. Why do we need so much security?

Is being good and true worth enough for a painful existence. Who has knitted this web of lies and insecurities around me? I was born free and now I live as a slave.

Are we women enough to be strong and man enough to cry or we are pretending to be.

Is madness a virtue or a curse? how far are we ready to go? What kind of drivers we are when we are so afraid of the finish line. The soul is free and pure.

Confession of a Masochist

There was one masochist. At the end of his life he said he wants to die.

To Fall or not

I fell for her, and she stepped over me.

From then on, I decided not to fall any more, in future.

Now, I am tired of walking without falling.

Come again, even if you have to leave the next moment.

Feel Good

Feel good is usually associated with women because it is associated with feminine hormones. But, men these days are also quite feminine in this aspect specially the metro sexual ones. I guess it usually comes from what people around us think about us. So, doesn't this way of feel good is the manifestation of our insecurity about ourselves?

Cant we rise in our own eyes and have a better opinion about ourselves and as a result feel good about ourselves. After all, most of our activities like shopping, fine dining etc are aimed to achieve what we can achieve by nice thoughts, emotions, warmth yada yada yada.

Present, Past and Future

It all depends on your present. If you are not happy with it, you regret the past and do not long for the future. So, improve the present, make now blissful. This is Eureka!!

What do women want?

Uncertainty with Security
Adventure with Coziness
Lust with Love
Wildness with Calmness
Hardness followed by Softness
Bizarreness with Balance
Weirdness but not very much idiosyncrasy
Subtleness and not blatantness

Women are like life, none of the rule will work all the time.

The turn around

There was a boy from a small town in India. He was brought up in a conservative environment, so he didn't booze, ate meat and so was trying to preserve his purity. Then he met a friend and they became close friends. The other friend had modern values like he would do those things which the protagonist thought are forbidden. The friend convinced him to cross the line step by step and see what lies on the other side. The boy liked it and started enjoying it. One day he bought living chickens to the house and butchered them in front of his friend. Then when he served that chicken to his friend his refused to eat whereas the boy enjoyed it inside out.

Who is devil and who is pure?

Life as a Mirage

Perceptions, Hallucinations, Virtuality, Reality, who defines what is what and who is who?

Whenever I define myself, I discover a side which is not in the definition. However, there is always a difference in how I perceive myself and how others do. The perceptions give rise to biases like blacks do drugs, whites are greedy, Muslims are terrorists, I am an asshole, I have an attitude problem, yada yada yad.

Whenever we are meeting anyone, most of the time we are biased by what we have heard and learned. But, aren't these perceptions very superficial. Why doesn't we say Blacks love Jazz, they are straight from heart, lively and fun people. Why doesn't people say that Whites are the most disciplined people on earth and Muslims are the most spiritual.

Why does the negative perception dominates so much, where there is so much positivity. Why is the devil winning in our hearts? May be because of what we do in our day, what we eat and what we think. We are fueling the devil with whatever it needs: lust and greed of all forms.

So, who is in the question, Me, or you, or the guy you hate, or ...

Kite Photography

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/07/south_asia_india0_a_kite0s_eye_view/html/1.stm

A poem with rhymes

Lets run, in the wild sun
Lets play to make the hay of the day
Lets fight, not to test the might
Lets loose without taking booze
Lets cry in the midst of the sky
Lets try to fly
Lets smile without a guile
Lets speak to remove all the tweaks
Lets look inside the book
Lets feel the pain as if it is as natural as rain
--

Thanks for tolerating :D.

The weight

The weight of my own ambitions
The expectations of my own people
A short memory of the glorious past
And a cruel present
Everything is there in front of us
Our creation
the very ghost
is stealing every moment of our life

Save yourself
Stab the ghost
Liberate yourself
Be free!

No Name

Wild Spirits dancing like mad women
in the bodies of men and women
making us pay for the every moment of existence
Never letting us settle
Always making us unstable
May be they know our purpose of existence
To achieve something we cant perceive
To feel something which is more than orgasm and more than any pain
To take us to new frontiers
To realize us that all our limits are our own creation
To understand that there is one and only one soul
of this world which unites everything

Stop, choose something very bizarre and random and search withing while doing it. Liberation comes from activities of all kinds physical, mental and emotional.

No Name

Wild Spirits dancing like mad women
in the bodies of men and women
making us pay for the every moment of existence
Never letting us settle
Always making us unstable
May be they know our purpose of existence
To achieve something we cant perceive
To feel something which is more than orgasm and more than any pain
To take us to new frontiers
To realize us that all our limits are our own creation
To understand that there is one and only one soul
of this world which unites everything

Stop, choose something very bizarre and random and search withing while doing it. Liberation comes from activities of all kinds physical, mental and emotional.

being born again

Again feels like a new birth
like a new awakening
When I take a vow that I wont die again
But I fear like each time
I will loose the track of my breadth

--

I wish

I could say the unsaid words
I could realize the unrealized fantacies
I could do the undone activities
I hope my soul will be in peace then.

"Hazaaron khwaishein aisi
ki har khwaish pe dum nikle
Bahut nikle mere armaan
lekin phir bhi kam nikle"

- Mirza Ghalib

The moment!

The moment is all about living in it. It is also like a bubble which bursts to create space for the new one. Some bubbles are very nice and some are not so. The nicer ones are the ones which overlap a lot of other bubbles also and leave a smile on our face when they go. The not so nice ones are like their names and we try to burst them. But, they still appear again and again, specially when our times are not so good. They try to push us further down and choke us. But, then there are the nice ones which fight with the bad ones and help us come out.

Sometimes the bubbles from future come back to present and take its space. Then, we start longing about what we want from life and fear from our fears.

Then there is our Mind, which is more complicated than a woman, and hence I never understand it. But, I do listen to it sometimes. It tells us to see the current bubble and see the nothingness inside it and live in it.

Then there is Mother, who lets us face everything. She is the source of all courage and character in us. She tells us to listen to our heart, when in confusion.

Unchanging life

Feels like the first summer
when we were young and restless
when the horizons were filled with joys
when we used to dream
when we used to trust
when we used to please
when we did not like to compete
when we used to ask everything
and not assume anything
when we used to feel sad for poor and miserable
when we used to be afraid
afraid of ghosts and not humans
when we used love everyone, back

When we were we
and not them

--

Sometimes, you feel to rebel against the process of becoming more practical and acceptable.

Happy Swatantra Diwas

A salute to the unique soul of this nation which lives in one fifth of the whole of mankind.

No Wonder

I have lot of time these days, its not my fault.
I have no job and no girlfried, no problem!

People find me intricate and complex, thats how I am.

I freak people out, the devil inside me gets nasty sometimes.

I am in zen sometimes, cause I find the solitude bliss most of times.

I have no plans, I find myself to fit in something for long time not to be free.

I am sure of things, because subconsciously I know what I want.

I find peace in most chaotic situations, I dont know why?

A tribute to The Beautiful Game

I feel the same way I felt when I left India this time. I was leaving everyone I have lived with and everyone who lives in me. Today, again I am getting the same feeling on the thought that it is the last friday football game for me with the group I am playing since last 14 months.

Football has been a way for me to look good, to meditate, to convince myself that if you love something that much, you can become a part of it. My most fantacies for last two years have been dedicated for the game. Couple of times I have refused to hang out with women because of scheduled game during that time. My reason of being happy on my bday was that I scored a very nice goal that day, I thought of it as a gift to myself.

A warm thanks to all my beautiful friends.

Some moments:

?

A question we should ask ourselves, is it worth the price I am paying for it?

--

I guess it can answer a lot of questions and save us from a lot of unpleasant experiences.

Different colours, Different nationalities, One Love!

Fifth anniversary celebration of our football group at Mark's (the guy in yellow).

Thought of the day

Try very hard, try to give just a little short of your best, so that there is a room for improvement, always!

Hope

You are alone
Your work is stuck in the middle, from a while.
Your soulmates are not around
You are longing for recognition, which no one gives you
You are lost and disillusioned.
But, it drizzles with a nice breeze
And you put a soulful love song
And the hope comes back, again!

~love

Heart, Mind ?

Would you listen to your mind and always take the most calculated decision or instead listen to your heart and wont mind going for an exhilarating ride, no matter where it is going.

Or would you listen to your senses and instincts and be wild all the time.

It all depends on how do you perceive your life as, journey or destination. Is it a celebration in itself or a quest for our desires and ambitions. I think it is a wonderous journey which has no definite answers, no rights, no wrongs. Nothing is true and nothing is false, or as shakespeare puts it: "It is a stage, and we all are enacting our roles".

Sometimes, when I try to see life from an outsider's perspective, I find it is a painting where colours are sometimes harmonious and rest of time chaotic. Is harmony is the only thing we want? Is chaos too disturbing? Does chaos lead to harmony? Is chaos the necessary phase to reach harmony?

Then, are we moving in any direction, or our lives are just like sine waves. Going up and down without making us any more wiser.

Mother

She exists in the soul of the words, we speak.
She exists in the soul of the characters, when we write.
She can be found in the soul of the dance.
She exists in the soul of the rain drops, which fall, clouds which hover, sometimes ominous, sometimes blissfull.
She is beyond Good and Evil.
She is the Virgin (Mary) and she is the Witch.
She believes in only one rule, the rule of love.
She believes in letting go, rather than withholding.
She is the Woman, She is the God.

--

An inspired poem after reading "The Witch of Portobello" by Paulo Coelho.

syndrome of being vivering

Doing everything you can till the last moment, then you realise this is not what you want.

There is mess all around and inside.

Some people are giving directions, ironically they are themselves lost.

There is no one way, infact all roads are round abouts.

The mysteries are too many, and am running after them like a mad man.

Memories are disturbing and the future is uncertain.

Is there any cure?

Humanity Vs Plasticity

Spontaneity Vs Craftiness
Bliss Vs Happiness
Loneliness Vs Loss of self
Failure Vs Fear of Failure
Honesty Vs Acceptance
Alive Vs Dead
Security Vs Fear
Respect for life Vs Love for life
...

Choose your way!

song of devotion

You make me free
even though are not for free
You are my sweetheart
Please never break my heart
You dont bitch around
I always wish you are around

This is not a crush, but love
longest ever I have loved someone
I wish I could live with you, die with you.

You have given my life a purpose,
it is to be always around you.

You can have different taste
different ways to embrace
but to me, all ways seem the same.

promise me you would be around
no matter where I am on the ground.

Why would a woman love a man?

Is it because of what a man is in general?

or

How does that man treats that woman?

Both is not an option.

Bliss!

When you feel like dancing
When every inch of you is bubbling
When the time stops
When love has filled the air
When you can see into the eyes you want to look into
When you are surrounded by friends
When you are with people, who want to see you
Its Homecoming again and here I come with my arms wide open, the same smile and tears filled eyes.

Mood: Euphoric
Music: Euphoria, Indian Ocean.

your father is drunk
your mother is dating some other man
the girl you like is cold
your friends dont like you anymore
your art, no one understands

there is always a reason not to live.

--

ps: a part of this text is borrowed, dont remember from where.

a noble celebration

Life is a divine celebration of the seeing of our everlasting existence. It is to celebrated with divinity, charm, love and bliss. We have to think of our forefathers who has given us a heritage to be proud of, to look at and feel so small and yet so lucky.

How many times do we really express gratitude towards the art, beauty we enjoy everyday.

How many times do we wake up and promise that we will add our bit to this human heritage.

How many times do we wallow in joy, do we still remember what a joy is, or is it lost somewhere in our daily lives.

Has it happened ever that we have loved something or someone and say that I just want to see it and not possess it or may be want to share it.

Someone has to fill, since everyone is snatching.

We all have to physically die, that should not bother us. Lets share, spread bliss and smile in our toughest times. For a moment, lets feel as if we are free like our souls. Lets pick any road blindly knowning fully that all roads lead to thee. Lets dance, sing , La La La.

Lets not be greedy. No amount of material will make us happy, it will take our peace for sure.

A funny read.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/6587129.stm

enjoy.

contemplation

When I look back, I see an ignorant brat leading an incomplete life full of complacency and contempt.

A naked boy

He stands stripped
He looks unkempt
His arms are wide open
He sings
He smiles
He waits
He loves
He wants to spread happiness
He is not afraid to die
His eyes are shining
His smile charming
but he is not the prince perfect
He is weak
He is vulnerable
He cries
He repents on his past life, sometimes.
He fears the loss of god, so he lives on faith
He is impulsive
He is nervous
He wants to give it all he can
He wants to explore what all he has
He does not knows his goals, but he likes to score goals
He does not know himself, at all.

Gere kisses Shetty

It makes a news, such a big one that it is on the front page of all newspapers and tv channels. His effigies are being burned and Shetty is being cursed.

On the other hand, lot of women at brothels are still having forced and unprotected sex. But, that does not tarnishes Indian culture, which we boast of so much.

It looks like if it is within the four walls, all kinds of moral or immoral sex is OK, but do not do anything in public. What a SHAME.

The best goal of my football career

In pic: Gabe Vs I, rest are laughing. Thanks Melody, for taking a nice pic.

The art of Liquification

I feel like a fluid, put me in any bottle you choose, I will be the one you want. I think we are supposed to be fluidish, so that we can be what we want to be and that too without making an effort. The reason we are not is that we are stiff most of the times. But, we should remember after all we are actors and we have to play different characters different times of our life. Therefore, lets not define ourselves because then we are making an effort to be solid. And we are supposed to be so.

Good actors in cinema are like this, they can act any role. So can we in this world of cinema. And all of us want to play our roles well, which are quite contrasting and occur in different phases of our lives. It is a spiritual idea because god is all and if we can be all, then we are close to god also.

Life is full of problems, easy rides, critical times and if we can develop our senses well, then it is easy to act the way we always want to be. To have senses develop, we have to be in that moment, not before not after. It wont matter whether we win or loss, because it is that character who was won or lost. We are not that character, we are something higher. And when we dont have the anxiety of win or loss, we can play well and get joy from the whole process. This is bliss, I guess.

So, lets try to flow or to swim or to float.

-Pompeyy

Thought of everyday

"Know that you are special, behave as you very ordinary" - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

Thought of the day

Look inside, and not outside.

Thought of everyday

"Will I be doing the same thing, if I know today is the last day."
"Dont try to cover yourself, we are born naked and we have to die one day."
- Steve Jobs.

Wake up, son.

In the end, I am a loser, who is killing himself every moment in the hope of the moment of joy. He is blind, doesnt see the women who has pain in her eyes, but ogles at the women sitting next to her, who has the most kissable lips.

What I dont understand:

*The English grammar, with so many exceptions and so many rules. I still cant write a gramatically correct prose.
*How do women behave, I dont know why do they do, what they do.
*Why the earth is round, when it always looks flat, but I dont care much about it.
*Why do people want to goto Mars ?
*Why do people waste their lives on what other think, say or do.
*Why are there so many rules, institutions; Alas, poor spontaneity has to die.
*Why are so many people blessed, happy and some torn, raped, hungry, lost, overused, oppressed.
*Why do people beleive in god, and still feel so insecure.
*Why is everyone blinded by sex and money
*Why dont I do something useful, then just philosophising.

welcome to the Hotel California

No one can put it better than:

"You can check out anytime you want but you can never leave."

So is california: pretty, sunny, easy going. People are nice, girls are pretty and horny. Landscape is diverse: ocean, mountains, desert, canyons, everything. Opportunities are myriad. Life style is laid back, but hard working.

It is a place, where geeks breed and make fortunes and live happily ever after. It is a place where I want to be, dont you ?

I came back from california last night and a snow storm is saying me: "welcome to New Jersey."

Waiting to sing it again: "Going to California with ache in my heart ..."

Happy Wednesday

To all the people who dont wait for the day to celebrate love, have a nice wednesday.

And to the rest, all the best for your role of romeo or juliet.

cheers, :).

Need of Need

Imagine our all wishes come true instantly,
Imagine all the things we desire are ours now.
Imagine your dream prince(ess) is in front of you.
Imagine we have achieved all our ambitions
Imagine we have enough money to do everything
Imagine we are always surrounded with the people we like most
Imagine there is no thirst
there is no desire left over
there is no pain due to any loss/anguish
there is nothing to look forward to anything
there is no wait for something fairytailish
there are no ambitions to be fulfilled
life looks perfect

I dont want a life like this. I believe the cause of perfectness of the life is its imperfectness and we are better off craving for things.

On Sale

a body, a heart and a soul.

Price: Free, but the taker might become demented and insane after a little use.

Recommendation: Only someone who doesnt loves her life too much, should think of living it in just few moments.

Anyone ?

Days are bright and nights are insane

lonliness + cold weather + darkness = 100% insanity.

When you are enthusiastic

you dont want anyone to take a pie of your life
you ignore everything and everyone around
you are full of self conceit
you would enjoy each glance from a woman
you are at toes, bubbling with life and energy
you would be a standout in a gathering

and when you are not,
you search outside for happiness
you loose your identity
you would crave for every woman you see
you would see nothing inside you
you would try to look around for a moment of comfort
nobody will love you
people will turn out to be strange
life will look like a boat in a storm
even a little sweet talking will sooth you a lot
you would be looking for options all around
you would become a seeker and desperate

life is a see-saw, we all need patience and humility.

Most popular men

Its not a survey, but I just googled some people and ranked them according to number of pages.

1. Steve Jobs (130,000,000)
2. Christ (114,000,000)
3. Bill Gates (60,500,000)
4. Michael Jordon (56,500,000)
5. Shakespeare (54,400,000)
6. Mozart (49,800,000)
7. Hitler (41,000,000)
8. Einstein (40,000,000)
9. Schumacher (25,700,000)
10. Gandhi (21,400,000)

Interesting to see that Steve Jobs has the maximum hits and that too by a margin.

Notify me if you find someone in between. There is a caveat that the pages might be for other people also who share the same name, but i guess they will be very less than the intented ones.

Not so long ago

when I was a child:

1. I used to love math problems, more than now.
2. Doing complex calculations used to be my favourite hobby and way of entertaining people.
3. Not so surprisingly, I used to love solving puzzles.
4. But, I used to hate the scenario sitting with hundreds of kids and competing for some covetous reward. I rather liked of being on my own and doing it for fun or challange and not competing.
5. I used to like all the detective serials and Byomkesh Bakshi was my favourite.
6. I used to be afraid of strangers and didnt talk to them untill I had seem them long enough. That is why I didnt talk to many people.
7 . I liked to be on my own rather than with people.
8 . I had dreams of being alone in this world and then eating and doing whatever and whenever I want.
9. I used to wet my pants when nervous, till quite late.
10. I used to love my mum a lot more. Now I can see her shortcomings also.
11. I used to consider my father a stranger till quite late when, he saved me from drowning in a water fall. Then, I realised he is indeed a friendly man.

I read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon, and it refreshed me with my childhood memories.

Trishula

The three pointed weapon can kill a man.
The sidemost kills the soul.
The other side one is the one which kills the heart.
The middle one kills the mind.

The difference in the length of the spears, is the difference in the time, when each of the part is killed.

And the difference in the time when the soul and heart is killed to when the mind is killed, is the duration of our life.

So, trishula is the cause of the life we are leading. With our heart and soul killed at birth, waiting for the mind to die.

Whosoever, can win over this trishula only, can try to live, otherwise we all are androids.

a poem

Oh you girl, do you have love for me
Oh you begger, do you have a penny for me
Oh you friend, do you have a reason for being with me
Oh you teacher, can you give me some wisdom
Oh you preacher, shut the fuck up
Oh you leader, get over your desires
Oh you lover, is there any lust left over in you
Oh you scientist, do you think your science will help any poor
Oh you human, are you human ?
Oh you musician, better listen to your soul
Oh you money grabber, do you know you are going to die one day
Oh you, party harder, cause no one will remember you, once you die.
Oh you student, free yourself from your ambitions.
Oh you the greatest, dont be so happy, nobody loves you.

Uncyclopedia

A very interesting link: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Main_Page. It is NOT the more famous wikipedia, but it has very humourous definitions. Some of the few I read and devoured:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/United_States_of_America

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:Worldmap.jpg

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Sex

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Monica_Lewinsky

Enjoy.

why am I single

1. I was brought up in a way and with a belief that girls are the alien creatures on this earth (my ma and my grand ma were the only two women, whom I had talked in my childhood.).

2. When I was in primary school, there were separate rows where girls and boys sit, it confirmed the belief within me.

3. When I was in high school, I chose engineering and I had 1 gal in the class of 33 boys. That was an overwhelming experience, it cemented the earlier belief and created a new belief that women probably dont exist in the direction of life I like.

4. The later thought was firmed when I went to college, where I found 7 gals in a batch of 133 boys. And I am doing a really great favour by calling them gals, my friends used to call them non-males, uncle etc.

5. I joined a place to work, and the ratio was still the same. Plus, its not recommended to flirt at your work place, forget it whom am I kidding, as if I am an expert at flirting. So, in short, another year passed just like that.

6. By, the time I landed in the land of opportunities, I had become UNFIT for dating. I didnt had a chance to get trained in
talking silly things,
lieing,
smiling uselessly,
be a good listener to most trivial things,
sometimes behave servantile,

all the things a typical girl enjoys. Instead I have become quite forthright, uncapable of formal talk. I cant pretend of interest for the sake of sex. My behavior has become a result of my thought process, I have lost that power to manipulatation, and sometimes I miss it.

And now I want to pat myself for writing another honest post.

orgasms ?

A friend of mine once said, "orgasms display the emptiness of our life". It is indeed true, since only few moments are really blissful, and rest of our life is empty. And,
we keep trying to fill it up joys and sorrows. The interesting part is that the orgasmic moments are only few, or quite few and rest of the life is too long to live. So, orgasms are a stark and harsh reality of our painful life in an ironical sense.

I believe orgasm is the greatest discovery made by man (or a woman), since we cant live without it. And it is not as trivial as breathing, so it is a discovery and something indispensable, for sure. It gives us an indication, that how much bliss remains unexplored by us, and with a little effort in a direction, we can have it.

But, for most of us, orgasm is limited within those few moments. I think it is a clue to reach the state of bliss, where the orgasmic feeling can last for longer time, or lets hope forever. I am sure, there is something is like that, because that is what the purpose of our life is to explore and find out the divine, the blissful, the all pervasive, the ONE.

Believer

Why should I believe in God,
when I am responsible for my own destiny
when there is so much cruelty in the world
when Lie wins and Truth loses.
when all my pleasures are driven by materials
when I know, I have faced unluck throughout my life
when I am not afraid of anything
when I dont want to believe in something I dont see
when religion is the sole cause of so many wars, deaths and destruction
when religion takes my freedom away, which I value most
when religion seems just fictional and nothing else.
when I havent seen any magic of god with my eyes.

Still I choose to believe in god,
because I believe there is little goodness in the world, which is the glue for civilization.
because it is the only path of peace and only way to get out of the unrest of human mind.
because it gives infinite confidence, power and conviction.
because it soothes the soul
because it makes me feel secure, nothing can scath me.
because even after lot of inequalities, there is a balance in the world, everything is perfect.
because it restores humility
because I can feel it sometimes, in art, in emotions, in people, in joys, in sorrows.
because I feel the difference in me when I believe in it.
because it gives me immense joy
because it makes me listen to my heart, to my soul.
because it makes me more like a woman
because it gives me the hope to live and wait for the big moment.

Why did you do it, BBC ?

Why did you uncover indian men, like this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm

Ghar ki Izzat ghar mein rahti to acha tha, now everyone knows it. Can you believe it, everyone. The non-indians you hang out with, the firang girl you were trying to hit on. Get ready, to become an object of pity.

Now, I will feel awkward to enter into bars and get pathetic looks. Never fast with strange women, now the little confidence is also crushed. After all, there is no surprise left, as soon they gonna know he is indian, they will scroll down and ... and laugh like bitches.

..... to be continued with the reactions I get from people.

a love story

there was a girl, normal girl. Not a princess, not even rich. But was pretty, was blessed. she didnt know about it, she always thought shes cursed. cause she had pimples on one of her cheek. and she didnt have money to buy those expensive medicines.

there was a guy, quite similar to me, but not me. he was a child, from within. he always thought he is blessed, cause everyone around him loved him obsessively. but he loved this girl. he had a wish, simple but he didnt want to die before doing it.
he wanted to kiss her, since he was 3.

the day came when there eyes met, and rest of the story is quite known in history. he kissed her that night. the next morning, the princess woke up and her pimples were gone, she was elated. she turned around to tell the guy, but she was shocked in horror to see him.

--

see saw of the life

I want to list some of the lines of songs which all of us feel so much and artists put it so truly:

1. sometimes up, sometimes down .. its the see saw of the life (vivek sharma)
2. time can bring you down, time can bend your knees (eric clapton)
3. blowing in the wind (bob dylan)
4. life is nothing, but a joke (bob dylan)
5. and one day you find, ten years have past behind you, no one told you when to run, you miss the starting gun (roger waters)
6. riders on the storm .. like a dog without a bone and.. (Jim Morrison)
7. no eternal reward will forgive for wasting the dawn (Jim Morrison)
8. All you need is love (Beatles)
9. Give me love, Give me peace on earth (George Harrison)
10. I am a dreamer, I know I am not the only one (John Lennon)
11. Woman, I will show the child inside a man (John Lennon)
12. Nobody loves you when you are down and out (Eric Clapton)
13. ?

Aspiring cops go on rampage, molest girls

Here is the link to the article: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/334717.cms

Some boys from village goto a forest, and grab the low lying fruits from the trees.

Water is above the drowning level, some are already dead, and rest who think they are not, ironically, have died million times.

I Confess

I stink, but not from within.
I am rude, but not arrogant.
I love to be hated, but I dont hate anyone.
I know I am a loser, but I dont bother about it.
I am shy, but not through eyes.
I know I am an actor, but I love to play depressed characters.
I have a cute smile, but I love to cry.
I know I am tasting dirt, but I love to watch stars.
I love to be alone, even when I am surrounded with people.
I prefer unexpected defeat over expected victory.
I love to go down and then show that I am not out.
I know my life lacks joys, still I long for peace and not joys.
I know I am not going to win, but I want to die as a hero.
I am broken, and I need you.

Give me Love

Its another day of frustration. Everything I should care about is going on fine, still I feel like falling in an abyss, freefall. I feel scared and demented.

I am trying to know the reason for this, is it unfullfillment of my desires or their partial fullfillment or it is because my running after them. Not caring for the small things that matter, they look really small and I feel contempt towards them sometimes. But at times like these, I feel they are my only saving grace.

I need help, love to cope with with this heavy load. I need peace and nothing else. No moments to celebrate or mourn, nobody to hurt or embrace. But, I do need hope otherwise I will be dead before I am dead.

I wish I could be born again and dream again about the small things only, which really matter.

Love and Peace

Truth and Lies, Joys and Sorrows, and above all Life.

This post is dedicated to Buntu (a good friend of mine), it his idea, I am writing my interpretation of it.

When I was a kid, I was encouraged to be always Confident and Positive towards life. Have a good personality, be smart, have fun and live your life to the fullest. Thats how I grew up, setting up ambitions, working hard to get them, sometimes ending up across the line and most of the times, short of it. Then enjoying whenever I could, party, travel, hanging out with beer glasses on. Life was like a roller coster, ups and down, sky and ground. Carefree days, with heart warming friends, full of curiosity, jumping around, desiring to hump around. I was really a kid, not knowing where am I going. Life was cruising and I was growing.

Then came a point, I became conscious. A realization came and took all the curiosity away. In a while, all the childhood was gone. No jumping, not much of curiosity left, numbness is what surrounds. I started becoming more aware of the social set up. I started reasoning, every little thing. Why are people better to themselves, why are they nice to some people and not so to other. Why all of us are hypocrites, even though most of us hate hypocrisies, lies. Even though the curiosity was gone, hunger is still there. Hunger for natural tears and smiles, conversation about small things which matter. The longing grows and so does contempt about everything around.

Then, there is another realization, which says like contempt about everything you consider wrong or false, is not the way of living. Life is above everything, we cant rise above joys and sorrows, we cant find the truth, if there is any. We are in a train ride and our vagon stops at various stops. Some are known, some are not. And it is known, there is always beyond what we know. So, life is about the choices we make, the stops we want to get down. No stop is better in absolute terms, so even if you have missed a stop, there is another round the corner waiting to welcome you.

My Way

How many times have I been got kicked in nuts, because of the mistakes unique to me. I wonder why am being made uniquely stupid.. why cant I not commit mistakes which most of people find it hard to commit. Why dont I change myself so that I can recieve maximum brownie points, this life has to offer me. Why dont I get dissolved in the air around me, why .. numerous whys and the answer my friend is because I want to do things my WAY.

It does not matter, how much I got or lost, but what matters is how much exploration I did and this is a metaphysical exploration. There are times when you love even the sorrows of your life, this is called loving the life and this is when you tend to respect its sacredness. Because, sorrows help you exploration of a different dimention, and being happy in a sorrowful situation is a insane state which is magical and transcendental. This is when you start to love, everything, everyone because everything is divine, including this moment. This is like living in subconscious, excepting everything around you as it is and getting dissolved in everything without loosing yourself.

This is my way of loving life and everything which it has to offer me. I am a seeker not a snatcher, am a pacifist, a rebel who wants to break the illusions. My aim is unknown, there is lot of fog wherever I try to see. I dont know whether there is any purpose of life, if there was then what if I die before completing it, I am pretty sure someone else would finish it. If Newton had not discovered gravity, someone else wud have some time in future. Hence, there is no pupose, but surely there is a way of life which is something unique to all of us. All of us have to find our way of life and dont judje anyone elses. It is a continuous process of search until we find peace, harmony, goodness, divinity in everything. For this, we have to be non-religious since every religion forces us to confirm us to a way of life. Its not that any religions path is bad, but it prevents you from the path of self discovery.

This what I mean by My Way.

ps: The title is a jazz song by Frank Sinatra.

Women and Cuisines

The two greatest desires of any man: sex and food or lets put it in a different and less conspicuous way: Women and Cuisines. There are hell lot of varieties of both out there and if we try to compare, they have interesting similarities.

The most commonly found women are womenly women. They are like deserts, cloyingly sweet, sometimes really awesome in taste (or in bed). They look damn attractive and if you didnt have one such for a while, you are bound to fall for it. All is well, if you dont want anything more. They are too predictable and they cant offer more than lot of sweet love and really pretty flesh. So is the case with desert, is only good to eat after dinner, you cant live on it like for your complete meal. So, if you want something more than physical connection, they are not a perfect choice.

The next in the category are spicy food. Its hot, sometimes really hot, and so is she: the spice girl. She may not be pretty, but is more active in bed. But, there is a caveat, its more demanding and you gotta have a taste for real spice. Most of men can afford it once in a while cause they are tough of handle or digest.

Like this, there are other categories of food and women, off which one seems really interesting to me. This is my favourite category, the women who are addictive. I would compare them with coffee, tobacco, dope or some other similar substance. They first bind with you physically, then mentally and eventually meta-physically. It starts with a passionate love, and then it goes deeper from body to mind and then comes the stage of addiction. Just like any other addiction, once you reach here, it is impossible to live without them. They counter you not just physically, but they get into your mind and its difficult to get them out. Now, they become one of the most dangerous and yet irrestible kind. They can give you orgasms and also depressions like you had never dreamt of before. Each moment with her is very sublime. These women are passionate or may be freakily passionate, whimsical at times but always interesting and either immensely attractive or repelling. They can love you by defining new dimentions of love and at the same time break your balls, harm you till any limit.

They are usually intelligent, sensitive never arrogant or shallow kind of women who most of the times command great deal of respect because of their actions and also hate because of forthrightness. Infact, there can be a subdivision in the category, depending on the level of addiction, just like we can say dope, tobacco and coffee are addictive in this order and also harmful in some order. Its easy not to fall for these women, but once you do, there is no way out to sanity. I just love this category of women/cuisine, for their power, passion and purpose.

To kill a sacred cow

I read somewhere "sacred cows make the best Hamburgers". I dont want to go into the go into the debate of justification of eating of non-vegetarian food. But, there is some saying in Hinduism, which has been widely misunderstood and I will try to give my interpretation of it.

The saying is: "Cows are sacred and we should protect them". Its most popularly understood interpretation is that, Cow, the animal is sacred and it should not be harmed. To a free thinker, this would sound completely absurd since, off all the living animals, how come cows are sacred, why are they better than any other animal. This was the reason I never beleived in this saying and till I was a non-vegetarian, never hasitated in eating beef.

But, there is another perspective to this saying which is more implicit. It means that Cow resembles a class of creatures, which are not only harmless to you, but most of the times they are useful. We do get milk from Cows, so they have atleast one utility. Killing anyone without any reason is a sin, but if you kill someone from the category of "Cow", the gravity of sin increases manifold. Because, it is like this use the creature till you can and then slaughter it so that we can completely suck up to advantages we can gain. I got this meaning after reading "To kill a mocking bird", which also underlines the same principal. They give this idea with reference to an african american, and I am just trying to generalize it.

And She has a boy friend ...

Dont ask me how they greet ... I turned my eyes towards this almost naked mexican babe who was having some sun... Thats how most of the love stories end ... or begin I should say ... I am coming honey to share some sun with ya.

Current Mood: Grounded and Happy ... kudos to my habit of being most happy in sorrows.

She lives on the love street ..

Well.. I am not sure about that but she works on the college ave and I am waiting outside her workplace so that she can come out and I could follow her and do something interesting .. this is like an adventure .. I have a kind of rush of blood and am not sure ... how will it turn out to be .. will definitely write about it .. I hope the atleast I get a chance to talk ..

Thats all for now ..

see u .. here is she .. gotta run ...

Work Hard, Party Harder, And die one day

Just a thought on the popular mantra of life: Work Hard, Party Harder. It is supposed to be the buzz word among the so called "successful" people of this world. So, I completely agree with the first part, even though the second seems to be more fun. But for the sake of idealism, which I am big fan of, I would stick with the first one. But, the origin of the second part is that first one is not fun for most of the people.

From my observation, I guess we spend like 70% of our time working. So, what we try to do is to compensate for our miserable 70% of time by doing something which can make us numb, get high so that we can forget the fact that we are slaves to the system of this world. By, slaves I mean, following the set path without giving it a thought. I have done that so far and am pretty confident that I will do it until I die like anyone else and I dont know what happens afterwards.

So, the idea of partying every weekend seems to be like enjoying or mourning the occasion of either we have been excellent slaves or rather disgusting ones. In the sense of this post, both of the situations are alike, more or less.

Ideally, the mantra can be: Work Hard, Work Harder. But, it is not easy to obey. You have to believe in it and more importantly, you have to love your work. The ones who do that are the ones who are not slaves, but the ones who write their own destiny. It is not easy to identify them, they dont party, dont socialise much. They prefer to socialise with their work only, they are the champions.

The girl with a sullen face ...

I dont know why dont women understand the greatest jewel they have is a smile, and not any shiny looking substance promoted by some well known woman. Its like a natural ornament women are blessed with but I dont know due to some reason, they dont use it, all the time. Its like wasted time .. for the giver and the taker both.

Even though the post is general but the reason I am writing this is cause I have been made uncomfortable twice by some women whom I barely know, just because may be I have had the opportunity of being hated. Well, I dont mind that cause I dont beleive in love and so in hate, I think they are signs of insanity...

So, a short post to all the women, girls who are reading it, please pass a smile atleast to acquinted people, if not at everyone. This doesnt takes anything but just spreads a goodness around you.

Another useless day of existence

dont know .. but life is not easy when your you dont get what you want. Or may be lets pur this way.. you dont want what is available.. maybe just because its available. People think you are crazy, insane, mania... But believe me the realisation of a useless day and also a useless life is not interesting. It kills you. Have you ever had a feeling of being sick of following your desires .. working for them, fighting for them and most of the times, left without orgasm.

Life is beautiful, when you can appreciate everything you can have: money, good food, sex, entertaining friends, but what if you cannot ? Here lies the challange of living in a cosmic yet real world.

It is then, you realise how useless each day has passed just embroiled in things we are not sure we like. This is what I am going through, always without love and most of the times without knowledge. I am trying hard to keep the interest going, to be other side, but a little slip and you come back to where you started from .. useless day.

Wish it doesnt comes again, more importantly even if it comes, it goes away soon ..
will continue this ..

Women with Authority

I had to face some of these cocky creatures since yesterday. Was living in someone elses apartment in on campus graduate housing. The women basically being irrational, cant make right use of the authority, but thanks to the whole women liberation movements, which have given them lot of power these days, well not lot really, but the way they use it makes it a lot. I have my experiences to emphasis this,

At first, when "she" found out this, she said, just move out and we cant talk to you since you are not the defaulter, the person whose place I was living in is. I just asked her to be less strict with my friend. Then later, when I asked her whether I can apply for the housing now, since I am homeless for now, she said, well you have done a huge violation, so we cant offer you housing now. So, now I was the defaulter, I didnt say it to her cause I knew her rationality level.

Then she gave me 1 hr for moving out and said she would collect the keys from me from the place I was moving out. She didnt come in 1.15 hr, I was in hurry cause I had to look for a house, so I went to search for a house thinking that I can return the keys tomarrow, its not a big deal because I had already moved out.

But, the next day, when I call her, she said that she went to my place 3 times after 1.15 hrs and once before (I am not sure about that), and she blamed me for evading her. I wait for her 15 mins more than promised and she doesnt turns up and I get blamed for evading her cause she came thrice aftarwards. Women are nice creatures, only if they dont have the authority.

She asks me to pay the amount for the # of days I have lived on campus without telling the housing, thats alright. I thought now I have paid for my "violation of law", but now I ask for summer housing and she says, we cant offer you one, even though lot of rooms are vacant. Great Business sense, I must say dont take money, even though the rent is much more than the off campus one.

So, we started from my friend being defaulter and not me and ended up I paying the fine and not allowed to get housing for summer. This is not a morality question that who is the defaulter, but what people say in the beginning and what they end up doing.

I cant hope that women will gain rationality but I do hope they dont get much authority.

ps: If anyone around in NB or Piscataway has a room for rent, let me know please.

About Me

This is the question which I am really sick of answering. They ask it everywhere: interviews, orkut, interesting women. So, I thought, lets finally try to answer this with the best honesty. I wont delve upon any acquired things like educational interests, even though I like the freedom of educational places. Not many people would agree with me, and I dont even try to do that. I will start from outside and go inside from there.

I have a body of a Man. About it, all of them are just regular masculine characterstics, with the exception of long hairs. I like masculine appearance, so I support beard and moustache, not stylish just bushy. The reason of this is may be to earn respect in academia, you need it :D. Plus, it gives an artistic/philosophical appearance, which to me is always welcome.

My heart, something which is very dear to me. It is pure and absolute feminine. I dont feel even a lil shame in this, because thats what I am. It is sensitive, warm and shy. One of my female friend had commented: I am her best budd, I guess the reason is because my heart can get in sync with most of the women pretty easily. Also, some of my interests like reading, talking, theaters and arts, are feminine (I dont mean that men dont have these interests, but I believe its more popular in women). But, I dont like shopping most of times, so there are differences.

My Mind, is sometimes a wild horse. It believes in rebellion, most of the times it is he who controls me, even though I want it to be otherway round. This is specially true, when I am weeded or some other similar influence. Most of times, I cant focus on things, which I should. My greatest desire is to tame it and give it to my soul. There are some known ways of doing it, one I know is YOGA, which is in my todo list. I think I dont know my mind, its deceptive to me and it is destabilizingly fickle.

My Soul, is I believe sincere to some limit but is clownish eventually. Its like most of the times, it is commited for any cause, but in the end, it cracks and it becomes a thing to laugh for watchers. So, it tries hard but ends being a object of mockery.

I am not sure, if it is a nice or absolutely true description, but I guess it is interesting atleast. It is interesting to dissect yourself into these four things and do some analysis. Any Comments ?

The Art of Spending Time

Summer has started, and the university is off. I am left with mediocre gpa (which I dont care that much) and lot of time. I used to get elated by the idea of free time, and now when I am into it, it doesnt feels that pleasant. I am not finding the planned things interesting enough. So, I am left with thinking about how to spend the time. I dont beleive in passing time by any activity, cause its like spending money for the sake of spending it, time is money in some terms.

So, lets not pass time, rather lets spend time. Dont do any charity by passing it, no reward will forgive us for wasting the dawn, lets talk about spending it. And you know, if you consider, time as money then you will see there is kind of perfect socialism in this world, in the sense most of us have same amount of it, except the fact that thousands of innocents get killed everywhere. So, it doesnt matters how much money or any other thing you have, it also doesnt matters, how much time you have cause in most of the cases, it is not in our hands. So, what is in our hands, the art of spending it. I am not an expert at it, if I was, I wont be bullshitting like this, nor are you cause you are reading this.

So, what to do? My experience tells me that my most usefully spend times are those which I can cherish long after that. You know, sometimes, when we get so engrossed in things, that we cant feel the joy of it at the time of doing it, we are kind of inside a sphere. We cant feel anything which is outside. But when we have done that and we are out, we cant think of anything but that thing. Doing those things, most of the times is what I call Art of Spending Time. My these things are: Playing with Balls like Football and other ball games ;-); reading books, strange faces and obviously BullShitting.

What matters finally

Is it the numeber of times you got laid ?
Is it the number of times you got A's ?
Is it the number of times you got bombed ?
Is it whether you had fun today or not ?
Is it the journey or the destination, is an amazing journey worth a dreadful end?
If yes, is the life worth the death ?
Has it something to do with having fun, enjoy, strike a balance ?
But, then does this means dont take risks, dont follow your passions and follow a well known path ?
What are our joys coming from, is there any source or it is just an illusion ?
Why am I writing this crap, I feel sad cause I screwed up an exam today, this means considerable dip in my gpa
does gpa matters, well it might if I have nothing else to show ?
gpa is like cock, just as it is believed that you need high gpa for top universities, same it true if you want some hot woman and you depend on "it" as your sole credibility.
But, you know if you want a good research career or any other career for that matter, you can do without 4/4. And also if you want to make her come, you can do without 7' long. So, the question remains, wot matters finally?

I dont know it is like a mystery because, if it is happiness, then its not in anyones hands. Then if it is power/lust or anything similar, wot about artists who died in anonymity and are now read by everyone. What matters may be is whether you have regrets or not? I dont know I have many.

Its all about, who has the ball

Its not BALLS, its ball, the Football. It is like a way of life for me, I have seen this sport before many times, but unless you play it, you dont understand its real spirit. And my recent advent into this sport, has really got me. Even though, I dont play well, will be a gross understatement, since each time I cause 2-3 goals for my own team. That really kills me, I keep abusing myself untill the next time I play. Such is the low of this game and hence due to law of averages, its high balances its low.

It took me some time to get into the football frame of mind, it is really fast, its like you are a part of hollywood action movie, there are enemy bullets all around, there is the most treasured thing: the ball, most of the fight goes in who posses it. Yes it is a fight, it is no gentlemen's game, whosoever has the ball rules, no matter how he has it.

Injuries, my dear friend are the part of this game. This is the best part of the trip. I really like it. Each bruise makes you feel that you are alive, each extra effort you make streches a bunch of your nerves. And in the process, you realise you have so many nerves and so much of blood running inside you. This is really invigorating, welcome to the real world.

I am still struggling so that my team mates can count me as a useful member, but I am enjoying each moment of playing this game and then cherishing each moment of it afterwards.

Times of India: A Bollywood Blockbuster

A typical Bollywood Project: It has everything: an enticing women in skimpy clothes. A social reformer in a struggling state for a social cause. A good looking chap selling some banks products. And a tragic news mentioning some people have died just like that.

All of this might seem entertaining to us because being the audience of Masala Movies, we develop the taste for such spice. But, I am not sure whether the people who were somehow involved in one of these tragic news feel the same. I dont know whether the placement of the news and ads in this way is coincidental or is it a well thought way attracting more viewers. Please if you cannot sypathise with those people, dont make fun of them atleast.

It can be argued that a newspaper has to tell all the stories and their placement is according to their importance, but I dont buy it because I dont think that Wills Fashion Week and any commercial advertisement is of even seemingly same importance. TOI should put some sense in its revenue generating machine. It hurts.

I have been visiting nytimes.com and bbc.co.uk occasionally and I dont find such nonsense there, then what capitalist reason TOI has thought which these guys couldnt. This is the time when lot of things in India seem to change and in the hope of goodness, I hope TOI will be a part of it.

just got deceived

This is pompeii, one of the oldest towns, supposed to be oldest roman city. I see remnants of a township: a broken amphitheatre, pieces of walls some half, some less than that. Completely deserted, but each stone is telling a story. Story of a prostitute, story of a common man, its like I have gone centuries back and I hear music: pink floyd playing echoes. The music is maddening and the surroundings are making the things worse, each guitar streak is like a dose of marijuana. I am taking pictures, the camera of which I was proud of seems to be so inefficient to capture what my eyes are perceiving. We are roaming in the streets and I see a active volcano with fumes coming out. I might be facing death but in the process am feeling alive again after few months. This feeling is invigorating. My friend calls and says we gotta move, as always time is less but they say life is long, I dont know how. We go back, we have to reach rome.

Its rome, it has the colloseum, it has museums, it has church, it has everything, I dont know why dont lucky people goto rome instead of heaven, its way too charming. With beer glasses on, I am having fun with strange and pretty italian girls. I was not so cool, well this rome, anything is possible, geeks becoming flying guys.
I wake up next to her, she has the most pretty smile, I wish to get dissolved in her. It is the highest feeling and it is at the highest place.

And the professor says: "Now we take a small break". I realise I am still in the classroom but I feel as if I have just come back, may be a part of me is still there. Is it possible that two people are present at two different places? i dont know but its definitely not a dream because I still feel inside it. May be my subconscious has flown that place leaving the rest of me here. Italy trip cannot get cheaper than this, i suppose !!

Sometimes you are so excited about anything that even before that happens, you can see it happening pretty close to reality.

My Struggle with Myself

This is the toughest times of my life when I am struggling against myself. My body and my soul are discordent. What I believe in, I am not acting according to it, there is a broad contradiction in me, and someone who cannot stand anybody else's contradiction has to stand his own. May be it is because I am killing my natural insticts, is it worthwhile doing it? I dont know. But do I want to do it? May be Yes, for something unknown, something which is divine or sacred or cosmic or eternal. The child has to die, and the man has to come out. And this seems to be the correct time for this, things are ready and waiting to welcome him.

Is it good for me, I dont know but I know I want this to happen because the rebillion inside me has to calm down and this seems to be the only plausible state where this can happen. I am amazed by life and how it forces you to change, life is dynamic will be an understatement. Life to me is like a hiking experience, but I want to reach the peak before liberating. I want to expirience the greatest high, possibly the life can give me.

This struggle is like the struggle you have to do when you shift from a less slanting trail to the more one, so it is quite possible that the trail is endless and so is this struggle. But, I am hoping for the next minute of absolute stillness.

Bored from Life

Same old sun, same old people, same old crappy food, same old me, the world seems to have stopped. It seems that people have become machines: bunch of morons. Lets make it little interesting. Lets play with it, change it, turn it upside down.

Lets give the animals a chance to do what they want. These are some of the things they might want to do. Wot if a tiger instead of pouncing on a deer, runs away from him to save his life. Wot if people instead of running for money start running away from it and none of their activites are direced to earn money. Wot if the fireman instead of spreading water on fire, spreads kerosene. What if when it rains, it drops fire instead of water. What if being evil is the virtue and being sacred is a sin. What if hitler is the hero and Gandhi is the villain. What if we take education just for the sake of learning. What if sun doesnt rises tomarrow. What if the only things we do are love, travel and die. What if we know the secret of birth and death. What if we can swim to the moon. What if we can fly on ocean. What if ..

The changed world wont be hell, simply because this world is also not perfect. But that world might be more interesting.

God Bless America !!

Before coming to America, I had heard of this phrase as little modified, which was: "God Bless you". This really made sense to me since it is always considered good if you wish good for other people. But, things are really different in America: they use this phrase as: "God Bless America" which means "God Bless Me". This sounds funny, it just reveals the American Principals, how much they need god's blessings despite of the fact that theirs is the most prosperous country in the world.

It seems that for Americans, America is the end of the world, I see slogans like: "I dream of drug free America". There is another slogan: "In God we Trust", you can find this at the airports and other prominent places. Again, I am used to a little different version of it: "In God we Fear". But, I guess what fits in America is "In God we trust and In Osama we Fear", its funny atleast.

All this makes me feel, that America really needs God's blessings. Hey God, please bless them with some humanity and reality!!!.

Lets just say ... i was testing the bounds of reality

The movie will begin in 5 minutes ... there is nothing new in it, you have seen it through and through, When you die there should be enough in your life to make a movie on it.

These are jim morrison's words. I am really puzzled after seeing the movie: "The Doors". It just adds to the already present fanaticisim in me.

Rubarooo ... Roshni hai

Very popular words now when Rang De Basanti has hit the screens. This movie makes you laugh, cry and in the end leaves with you with lot of fire unextinguished. Hats off to the director Rakeysh Om Prakash Mehra who had an the theme which fits perfectly in the contemporaty india and presented in a manner that the indian youth can relate to them reallistically. Its creativity at its helm, no indian youth can go untouched by it, specially Punju people in Delhi ;-).

Aamir Khan is as usual far more than perfect, his punju accent is so real, being myself a punju, I was kept laughing most of times. Not to mention other main characters were equally good and their camaradrie was something you can relate to if you have "real" friends.

Rahman, needless to say about the god of music again delivers a masterpiece. Songs are great and they are perfectly situational and also their presentation makes you fall in love with the music.

Photography like any other aspect of this movie is just perfect. The way camera has been used, the way the revolutionaries have been compared with the film characters is the thing to be seen since that brilliance cant be penned down. One liners in the movie are wonderful and Aamir delivers them in his style with his eye brows raised. The scene could be serious or comedy, this guy's skill is unmatched in delivering perfection.

A fire igniting movie is just in right time when India seems to be rising after a deep sleep of second era of slavery, now the rulers are themselves morally corrupt indians. I just read a news that a bunch of IITians are forming a political party of their own so that they can affect India. It seems a glorified era of patriotism is beginning and it feels great to be a part of it. I think India can do better than just being hub for outsourcing of American Companies both in terms of production and Consumption. But, great thing is that India will find its own identity or may be rediscover it and will not be just another developed country. It seems that India is RISING !!!

Mind Games

Mind .... I fear from it ... I love it .. I adore it ... All my pains are attributed to it .. All my pleasures are also dedicated to it but I cant discover it ... I cant live without it .. Still I think I dont know it. Lets take a look inside it ..

All what I see, I aspire, I hate or I love is because my mind dictates me do it. But I think it is a hypocrite .. cause what I loved some years back .. I dont love them anymore .. vice versa also ... Things which were trivial to me before are either magical or most precious to me .. why this is so .. why doesnt it stays on one side of the line always or why it does not reveal everything to me right now ... who is controlling it .. if it is me then why dont I feel it ...

Why it is so that things which used to hurt me, attract me, no more so are alike. Is it going in some direction, then what is the destination and why is it taking so long, or it is moving in a circle, and there is no destination and all this is crap.

How does it learns ... or may be discovers ... it is just the observations or some reasoning goes into it, does the reasoning process requires the observations ... and then develop some hypothesis ... if this is so then which observations are more significant ... how does it knows .. cause this also changes with time ... how do I know whether it is maturing or not ? Am I a slave of it or Can I be a master ..

Is it same in everyone, if so then why is everyone so different .. is the physical location important or it does not matter whether I am enclosed in a dark dungeon or in a green land surrounded by beautiful girls .. will it work better then?

Is it mind, which is bothering me or it is conscious, it is so messed .. I have no answers .. but my quest is on .. so keep checking .. I might have some answers or may be more questions and confusions.

Some Borrowed Ideas

What is Life without challenge ?
What is relationship without passion ?
What is buisness without ambition ?
What is a conversation without thought provocation ?
What is a career without direction ?
What is success without humility ?
What is failure without brain damage ?
What is a sport without team effort ?
What is a man without character ?
What is a women without purity ?
What is a mind without activity ?
What is a death without complete satisfaction !!!

Just Freezed !!

Semester is almost over and I just realized that within 3 days I will be at home. The thought is freezing in the sense, this is all over my mind now and I cant think beyond it. So, my mind is freezed but my fingers are working.

There are so many things I have planned to do when go home like visit my friends in mumbai, goto pushkar with them then, have some marijuana there, ohh man life will be again rolling. Plus, I have to read some stuff and I have to appear for a test the next day from the day I come back.

I cant wait but to get home and have a real blasting time !!

Over and out then.

Computer Scientists

"Bunch of people who are socially uncomfortable, decide to spend their lives with computers." - Anonymous.

My first thought is why do people study computer science ? When there are so many interesting things to study like music, litrature, philosophy, ... list is endless.

why to study something which had nothing to do with humans but has been introduced to pose as improving life of people at the cost of who are behind it. I am trying to contemplate why do people are ready to sacrifice their life for this non-human subject.
Just for the sake of money or to focus on something which can keep them away from normal people. I know I want neither of these things, I want to work with regular people who love to socialize rather than some machine loving morons.

I have chosen to write on Computer Science, but the same may be true for basic sciences field like Mathematics, Physics, etc. So, the question remains, that what kind of satisfaction do people get from studying basic sciences. It is no doubt the most demanding fields to study and people who can excell here are arguably intellectually most competent. But, life is fair in the sense, if it gives you intellectual talent, it takes out the socializing element out of you. It might sound funny but this is so true.

I have been to Computer Science socials, there is different kind of fun I had, I was laughing at people's sense of humour. All the jokes you will hear will have Core Computer Science terminology in it, trust me I dont get even a bit of these. When I am among the Computer Science fraternity, I really fear what a pathetic Computer Science graduate student I am. I dont get along with them, dont understand their jokes, errrrr....., I feel so misplaced.

Yaa, but there are good things to it, they make hell loads amount of money. Life is fair, they are paid for their mechanical lives. So, all those guys who want to study Computer Science, just because it fetches more money than any other profession, think twice !!

NonVegetarians Cant be Animal Lovers

just had an argument with some of people, one guy said that he can eat chicken but he wont eat the chicken, he owns.

I: This is contradictory

A: why?

I: hmm ..... (thinking) ... its because either you love animals or not

B reasons: A Canibal would not eat his owns son

I got the point that there is no point in going further.

Buts lets have it here:

I: How would a canibal feel if another canibal ate his son ?

All I mean is it is skewed reasoning if you dont treat everyone equal.

Anyways there are like this lot of ways to explain this but the point is people dont have clarity of thought and this is wot the purpose of this post is.

Immigrants Life

People might accuse me as a sadist, but that is not going to change me, because I am a determistically stubborn man. This article is dedicated to all the immigrants who are ready to put their professional life above personal life. The reason I am writing this article is because I got to know today how people from east asia, when they come to America feel when they are here for a longer period of time. There is nothing new in this article but this is just my way of looking at things.

When anyone is in his 20s, he has the zeal and enthusiasm to change his life if not change the world. This brings many people to this land, land of opportunities as they call it. This is the time when adrenaline is highest and we are ready to leave our country and start a life all over again in a foreign land. And many of them are rich, have big cars, house which none of them would have dreamt with petty salaries they would have got back in their country. The reward is really awesome, american salary is really addictive, no doubts about that.

Now comes the real part, it is not easy to get away with all the money, a price has to be paid for this. And the price has to be paid on the day you enter this country and then each day after that. You are in a foreign land and you know very few people around, you have to start your life all over again. But, mind you things will never be any close to the comforts one enjoys at home. By home, I mean a place where you can be completely relaxed and there is someone always there to pamper you. You loose on this big time. Specially, america is one hell of a cold country, weather is ruthlessly cold and this has gone into the people also. Even the bright sunny days are brutally cold, I really fealt the meaning of this line "Days are bright, but filled with pain" - Jim Morrison. If you are devoid of emotions, you are a winner then, otherwise, read further, I have more in store.

It doesnt end here, you go back home after a long time hoping to get everything back you used to cherish. But now, you dont feel a part of your people, you have been changed by the american society, if not much, but sufficient enough. Now, you dont like socialing as much as your people do. Its a real ironical life. You have gained lot of wealth and lost who knows wot.

But, there are things to cherish, you have american salary now, and I tell you this it is damn addictive. Now, you can go anywhere across the world and it doesnt cost much to you. Plus, being away from home and being just you is not that bad. It has many good things to it too. Its different kind of fun, you get lot of time with yourself and you get more time to think and it improves your clarity of mind.

Anyways, life is never perfect, I see most of people in india longing to come to US, there are people in the other side also but they are less and majority counts. So, immigrants win, natives loose.

Author is an immigrant, so dont expect fairness.

State of Mind

I feel alive today, its a big deal for me. I feel that suddenly enormous amount of energy has been infused in me, and I am flying in the air of my beleief. I want to face the world, now. There is a fresh believe in me, that I can get whatever I want. I can do whatever I want. I dont want to waste it in doing something trivial.

Reason for this fresh flow of energy, may be because I had a good sleep in the noon. Or, I read some inspiring blogs yesterday. One of them is suze's blog. Or may be, the day to meet my people is nearing. Or may be, there is a good chance that one of my best friend will be with me next year. Life without friends can be realised only without them. Or, may be its raining again and it feels really fresh. Or, the hard days of semesters are nearly coming to end. Or may be I am listening to Bob Dylan's free flowing music. Lot of reasons, huh, any soul would be happy, so am I.

I wish this feeling stays for ever. I wish I am always alive. .......

My favourite movies (not in the order)

1. Harold and kumar goto the white castle: Overflowing with laughter, also it reminds me of good old days of IIT when we bunch of friends used to have g****.

2. Good Will Hunting: Amazing pholosophy, Eye opener in terms of philosophy of life.

3. Basic Instinct: Even a celibate man would give up after seeing sharon stone in this movie.

4. Satya: One of the most realistic portrayel of underworld gang wars and their true story.

5. Dil Se: One of the most intense love story I have seen.

6. Gandhi: I am a big fan of this guy for his conviction.

7. Forest Gump: Tom Hanks is too good and the subject no one can think about.

8. Black: Amazing acting by Big B (best so far) and co-stars. Sanjay Bhansali's work of life time.

9. Dil Chahta hai: Simply Bindaas.

10. God Father 1: Al Pacino, Marlon Brando, brilliant actors, awesome movie.

Appeal

Hi Readers, I dont know who else (besides me) belongs to the set of readers, but if you are reading this blog, then do find time to post some comments. I tell you that not doing this is really rude, I need your feedback as any artist :D does.

I see that my profile views are 94 and I dont see even a single comment.

If you find any article pain in ass to read, then write it, if you find any idea faulty, condemn it but just write something. No praises are welcome, I know how good I am but what I dont know are my faults, so only criticism is welcome.

Thanks
Anupam

How to waste time during graduate life

This post is dedicated to all those who are embarking on the journey of graduate studies in US. Even though, I have seen three months of graduate life, I think that I have cracked it in the sense that I know how to have fun in graduate life and do
not bad in academics. If you follow this, fun is guaranteed but nothing else.

1. First of all, make a phoren girl friend so that at least you are guaranteed of something in your life ;-) and it is wise to have something than nothing. And believe me, last thing you would like to ensure are your grades, because they dont matter that much in life, what matters is fun.

2. Try to learn something some skilled sport or music instrument or do something else which you really like. This is the last time in your life when you will be that free so this is the best time to invest time in something which is time consuming. And once you know something, you can enjoy whenever you want.

3. Read, Write blogs, you will come to know you are not the only soul on earth who is so free.

4. Keep looking for employment opportunities, or what you would like to do when you graduate.

5. Party, rest of the time.

Lonliness

It has been three full months of lonliness. It is not that bad as it sounds. But it is now getting into me and be a part of me. Now, even when I am in a group, I feel lonely. I feel like there is a shell around me which doesnt lets me socialize. I have become anti-social now. I dont know where will it end, and I dont even want to contemplate on that.

Effects of lonliness: You become self sufficient, in a way a strong individual. But its not fun , even though it sounds good. Some examples of self sufficiency: You play two player games like racket ball, by yourself. You start talking to yourself and lot of similar stuff. According to some people these are signs of insanity, but I dont know whether technically they are or not.

There is fun part to lonliness also. It gives you more time than you ever had. If you organize yourself well, you can do bunch of things, for which you dont need people around and they are fun, like writing an article like this. Doing the things, you always wanted but didnt have time. But, for all these things you have to be organized because if you are not, it is very likely depression will take over you. Reason being, life is never perfect and most of the people tend to be pessimistic. So, the key is to organize yourself, find some interesting things and pursue them.

Music was always a special friend of mine, but now it is my only friend. These are not my words but I have felt them close to my heart. Lot of songs which were just songs to me before are now my bread and butter. I am changing, and am liking it.

Lonliness affects the person. Now it is upto the individual how to act. There are only two paths, there is no middle path. It is essentially binary. To support it, US society is the most prominent society. Its essential nature of being individualistic, creates people who can be broadly categorised into two: maniacs or absolutely wise. There are living/dead and famous examples of this, which I dont want to quote here.

Infact, I would go ahead and say that, it is mandatory to be alone in order to be wise. Sometimes, I feel that now I can imagine things what I couldnt have before.
The more time you spend with yourself, the more you understand yourself and things around. Infact, you tend to develop an uncanny ability to analyze everything, which might bug you at times because it is not required but neverthless, it has its own benefits. The most prominent advantage is your reasoning power shoots up.

All said and done, currently, I am dying to be with my people in December. This means how badly I want it to end. Because, there is no greater joy than to be with the people you really love. This is another thing lonliness teaches you.

Before I die

I want to prove myself that I am not a selfish soul.
I want to serve the society around me and also not around me.
I want to feel true love and absolute vulnerablity.
I want to understand myself.
I want to uplift my morails so that I can manifest my real self.
I want to break all the shackles I have bounded myself with.
I want to understand the depth of my emotions.
I want to create something which does not dies with me.
I want to attain NIRVANA.
I want to submit myself against god.

Now, these are the things I want now:
I want to have the best orgasm every night till I die.
I want to win a billion dollar lottery so that problem of money is taken care of.
I want to own a fancy car and a big beach view house in california
I want to spend a night with demi moore, I bet she will want more.
I want to date every girl I like. And then ..
I want to open a startup which can surpass google's stock price, nerds wish this.
I want all the luxuries at my fingertips.
I want the best/oldest wines of france right here
I want to kick everyone's ass who has kicked mine in past.
I want to ..

Good Will Hunting .. not a critic review

But a fanatic review. Clearly the best movie I have so far. I just loved the philosophy, the movie gives out. "Life is not about winning any medal or achieving any feet, but to feel happy in whatever you are doing." I have seen it n times and still the last time I saw it, I was totally engrossed by the movie.

Life is not about goals it is about feeling truly happy when you are pursuing them intently or preferably unintentially. Life is about emotions, happiness, contentment which seem to be trivial when we have them. I did not know that life is that simple, but realising it makes it really easy.

Sean's character displays 100% wisdom, I wish to have it sometimes in future. He goes on to give his views on life in general. The first time I saw the movie, it was as if another universe has been unraveled in front of my eyes and I am just awed, it was looking the life as real. It is really ironical that I have lived almost one third of my life and have been oblivious of the real pleasures. I realised that life is as lucid as anything can be since everything has a clearly defined purpose. And it is our skewed rationality and lust, which messes things up.

And it is not easy to enjoy whatever you are doing, so you have to do what you enjoy. This makes decisions so simple, just follow your heart and give your shot. And this is what matters, how good your shot was, did you feel good after doing it ?

There is an arrogant professor also who symbolises us, how we are working hard to get acclaims in various forms without thinking whether we really need them or may be want them. The conversations between the professor and Sean are particularly interesting.

Then there is the protaganist Will, who is a genius and arrogant chap. But, its interesting how Sean shows him how shallow his life and then how he opens up. All the fundas are given out in their conversations.

A life turner movie !!

Free Zone ?

Chronologically, this should have been the first post. but wotever, the real idea of this space is now becoming clear and it would evolve over time.

Let me arrange the article as question and answer session, that way it becomes easier to write without going off the topic.

Q1. What is Free Zone ?
Ans. This is my effort to create a space without any prejudices, any kind of force, neutral, rational environment. To lucidify it, imagine a region in space which does not experience gravitational pull or any other kind of force. In that region, you can reach wherever you want, you can design whatever you can dream of, or in other words everyone is all powerful. Compare that space to where we are living, i.e. on earth. We cant fly, we cant run for ever, we cant live for ever, most of us cant get what they want, but we keep running untill death stops us.

What I mean is from the day the child is born to the day he comes some what sensible, he has been riveted by so many chains that he cant see beyond them. And start running in the race of rivetting himself more and more. This is because the conditioning this world does is so permanent and seems to be so real, that the actual "real" becomes eclipsed.

Then what is actually "real" is, nobody can answer this for anyone. You have to follow your heart if you want to know this. By heart, I dont mean senses because senses are very superficial.

So, the free zone stands for absolute freedom of thought: free from all prejudices, free from all the rivets this world has given us and hence it stands for absolute rationality.


Why free zone?

Because, I wish therefore. lol .... Or may be I have lot of time to spare and nothing more interesting to do. Plus, it helps to clear my mind and improve my writing skills. Better reason for this, even though I dont aim that is if it helps anyone or starts a debate, that would be interesting.
Plus, I find myself an average performer and if I can lift myself and be in a free zone then that would be wonderful. I am sure it exists because I see people who are in it.


How ?

By discussions, by thoughts, am not sure what to write here. I am still in experimental mode, so when I will have something, I will come back here.

PhD or not ?

This question is haunting me for the past couple of years. When I was completing my bachelors, I was pretty sure that I dont have to do it since I was majoring in Computer Science (CS) and doing a Phd would have meant sticking to this field for all my life. It was like marrying CS in the indian style i.e. no divorce possible. This thought was scary because I didnt think I belonged to CS that much. Dont ask me then, why did I major in CS then, because in india you follow the herd, and thats what I did. But at all places herd mentality doesnt works, so here I am pretty much confused of what to do in my life.

I can choose to have a life of economic prosperity in US, but if do it I will loose my self, I will loose my goals. Unfortunately, I dont what are my goals? I wish I had some. I can easily chose to do a Phd and after that devote myself to research. But, I dont see this happening. Several reasons are accountable for this, first I dont think I have the perseverance required for research. Second, academic position which is a dream place for most researchers, is not fascinating for me. Third, I dont want to do research in most of the subjects I have studied in last years, rather I find other subjects which I have not studied more interesting. I have speculations regarding my commitment. If I didnt like something I studied, it maght be true that I wont like the other subjects once I study them. Who knows ?

The reason is I dont know myself. I just confessed something which I always feared to do. I wish it was untrue.

But, I see that the professors in places like harvard are people who are more capable than most of the CEOs and it is the latter ones who frequently goto the prior ones for consultation. They are like sun revering in their aura, wow I wish I could become like them sometimes in my life. Hopeless hopes, I know. All of these guys have one thing in common, they had a special interest and they wanted to delve deeper into it. Unfortunately, I dont have any.

These are the reasons why I dont want to do a PhD. But, I admire some of the PhDs that I am forced to think again and try to find a reason for doing a PhD. PhD is your original contribution to the body of knowledge. No matter how small it is, it is something you have created and the pleasure you would get in it is far more than any material pleasure. And it would be really worth it. But then it is a long commitment, a commitment of life time. And unless you really love doing research, you wont be able to sustain the rigor research entails.

All said and done, it seems that I am not fit for a phd. I hope this is the last time I am debating on this issue. I am a petty individual who I guess has not many options but to go for earning money and be satisfied with lesser self.