What is Life without challenge ?
What is relationship without passion ?
What is buisness without ambition ?
What is a conversation without thought provocation ?
What is a career without direction ?
What is success without humility ?
What is failure without brain damage ?
What is a sport without team effort ?
What is a man without character ?
What is a women without purity ?
What is a mind without activity ?
What is a death without complete satisfaction !!!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Just Freezed !!
Semester is almost over and I just realized that within 3 days I will be at home. The thought is freezing in the sense, this is all over my mind now and I cant think beyond it. So, my mind is freezed but my fingers are working.
There are so many things I have planned to do when go home like visit my friends in mumbai, goto pushkar with them then, have some marijuana there, ohh man life will be again rolling. Plus, I have to read some stuff and I have to appear for a test the next day from the day I come back.
I cant wait but to get home and have a real blasting time !!
Over and out then.
There are so many things I have planned to do when go home like visit my friends in mumbai, goto pushkar with them then, have some marijuana there, ohh man life will be again rolling. Plus, I have to read some stuff and I have to appear for a test the next day from the day I come back.
I cant wait but to get home and have a real blasting time !!
Over and out then.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Computer Scientists
"Bunch of people who are socially uncomfortable, decide to spend their lives with computers." - Anonymous.
My first thought is why do people study computer science ? When there are so many interesting things to study like music, litrature, philosophy, ... list is endless.
why to study something which had nothing to do with humans but has been introduced to pose as improving life of people at the cost of who are behind it. I am trying to contemplate why do people are ready to sacrifice their life for this non-human subject.
Just for the sake of money or to focus on something which can keep them away from normal people. I know I want neither of these things, I want to work with regular people who love to socialize rather than some machine loving morons.
I have chosen to write on Computer Science, but the same may be true for basic sciences field like Mathematics, Physics, etc. So, the question remains, that what kind of satisfaction do people get from studying basic sciences. It is no doubt the most demanding fields to study and people who can excell here are arguably intellectually most competent. But, life is fair in the sense, if it gives you intellectual talent, it takes out the socializing element out of you. It might sound funny but this is so true.
I have been to Computer Science socials, there is different kind of fun I had, I was laughing at people's sense of humour. All the jokes you will hear will have Core Computer Science terminology in it, trust me I dont get even a bit of these. When I am among the Computer Science fraternity, I really fear what a pathetic Computer Science graduate student I am. I dont get along with them, dont understand their jokes, errrrr....., I feel so misplaced.
Yaa, but there are good things to it, they make hell loads amount of money. Life is fair, they are paid for their mechanical lives. So, all those guys who want to study Computer Science, just because it fetches more money than any other profession, think twice !!
My first thought is why do people study computer science ? When there are so many interesting things to study like music, litrature, philosophy, ... list is endless.
why to study something which had nothing to do with humans but has been introduced to pose as improving life of people at the cost of who are behind it. I am trying to contemplate why do people are ready to sacrifice their life for this non-human subject.
Just for the sake of money or to focus on something which can keep them away from normal people. I know I want neither of these things, I want to work with regular people who love to socialize rather than some machine loving morons.
I have chosen to write on Computer Science, but the same may be true for basic sciences field like Mathematics, Physics, etc. So, the question remains, that what kind of satisfaction do people get from studying basic sciences. It is no doubt the most demanding fields to study and people who can excell here are arguably intellectually most competent. But, life is fair in the sense, if it gives you intellectual talent, it takes out the socializing element out of you. It might sound funny but this is so true.
I have been to Computer Science socials, there is different kind of fun I had, I was laughing at people's sense of humour. All the jokes you will hear will have Core Computer Science terminology in it, trust me I dont get even a bit of these. When I am among the Computer Science fraternity, I really fear what a pathetic Computer Science graduate student I am. I dont get along with them, dont understand their jokes, errrrr....., I feel so misplaced.
Yaa, but there are good things to it, they make hell loads amount of money. Life is fair, they are paid for their mechanical lives. So, all those guys who want to study Computer Science, just because it fetches more money than any other profession, think twice !!
NonVegetarians Cant be Animal Lovers
just had an argument with some of people, one guy said that he can eat chicken but he wont eat the chicken, he owns.
I: This is contradictory
A: why?
I: hmm ..... (thinking) ... its because either you love animals or not
B reasons: A Canibal would not eat his owns son
I got the point that there is no point in going further.
Buts lets have it here:
I: How would a canibal feel if another canibal ate his son ?
All I mean is it is skewed reasoning if you dont treat everyone equal.
Anyways there are like this lot of ways to explain this but the point is people dont have clarity of thought and this is wot the purpose of this post is.
I: This is contradictory
A: why?
I: hmm ..... (thinking) ... its because either you love animals or not
B reasons: A Canibal would not eat his owns son
I got the point that there is no point in going further.
Buts lets have it here:
I: How would a canibal feel if another canibal ate his son ?
All I mean is it is skewed reasoning if you dont treat everyone equal.
Anyways there are like this lot of ways to explain this but the point is people dont have clarity of thought and this is wot the purpose of this post is.
Immigrants Life
People might accuse me as a sadist, but that is not going to change me, because I am a determistically stubborn man. This article is dedicated to all the immigrants who are ready to put their professional life above personal life. The reason I am writing this article is because I got to know today how people from east asia, when they come to America feel when they are here for a longer period of time. There is nothing new in this article but this is just my way of looking at things.
When anyone is in his 20s, he has the zeal and enthusiasm to change his life if not change the world. This brings many people to this land, land of opportunities as they call it. This is the time when adrenaline is highest and we are ready to leave our country and start a life all over again in a foreign land. And many of them are rich, have big cars, house which none of them would have dreamt with petty salaries they would have got back in their country. The reward is really awesome, american salary is really addictive, no doubts about that.
Now comes the real part, it is not easy to get away with all the money, a price has to be paid for this. And the price has to be paid on the day you enter this country and then each day after that. You are in a foreign land and you know very few people around, you have to start your life all over again. But, mind you things will never be any close to the comforts one enjoys at home. By home, I mean a place where you can be completely relaxed and there is someone always there to pamper you. You loose on this big time. Specially, america is one hell of a cold country, weather is ruthlessly cold and this has gone into the people also. Even the bright sunny days are brutally cold, I really fealt the meaning of this line "Days are bright, but filled with pain" - Jim Morrison. If you are devoid of emotions, you are a winner then, otherwise, read further, I have more in store.
It doesnt end here, you go back home after a long time hoping to get everything back you used to cherish. But now, you dont feel a part of your people, you have been changed by the american society, if not much, but sufficient enough. Now, you dont like socialing as much as your people do. Its a real ironical life. You have gained lot of wealth and lost who knows wot.
But, there are things to cherish, you have american salary now, and I tell you this it is damn addictive. Now, you can go anywhere across the world and it doesnt cost much to you. Plus, being away from home and being just you is not that bad. It has many good things to it too. Its different kind of fun, you get lot of time with yourself and you get more time to think and it improves your clarity of mind.
Anyways, life is never perfect, I see most of people in india longing to come to US, there are people in the other side also but they are less and majority counts. So, immigrants win, natives loose.
Author is an immigrant, so dont expect fairness.
When anyone is in his 20s, he has the zeal and enthusiasm to change his life if not change the world. This brings many people to this land, land of opportunities as they call it. This is the time when adrenaline is highest and we are ready to leave our country and start a life all over again in a foreign land. And many of them are rich, have big cars, house which none of them would have dreamt with petty salaries they would have got back in their country. The reward is really awesome, american salary is really addictive, no doubts about that.
Now comes the real part, it is not easy to get away with all the money, a price has to be paid for this. And the price has to be paid on the day you enter this country and then each day after that. You are in a foreign land and you know very few people around, you have to start your life all over again. But, mind you things will never be any close to the comforts one enjoys at home. By home, I mean a place where you can be completely relaxed and there is someone always there to pamper you. You loose on this big time. Specially, america is one hell of a cold country, weather is ruthlessly cold and this has gone into the people also. Even the bright sunny days are brutally cold, I really fealt the meaning of this line "Days are bright, but filled with pain" - Jim Morrison. If you are devoid of emotions, you are a winner then, otherwise, read further, I have more in store.
It doesnt end here, you go back home after a long time hoping to get everything back you used to cherish. But now, you dont feel a part of your people, you have been changed by the american society, if not much, but sufficient enough. Now, you dont like socialing as much as your people do. Its a real ironical life. You have gained lot of wealth and lost who knows wot.
But, there are things to cherish, you have american salary now, and I tell you this it is damn addictive. Now, you can go anywhere across the world and it doesnt cost much to you. Plus, being away from home and being just you is not that bad. It has many good things to it too. Its different kind of fun, you get lot of time with yourself and you get more time to think and it improves your clarity of mind.
Anyways, life is never perfect, I see most of people in india longing to come to US, there are people in the other side also but they are less and majority counts. So, immigrants win, natives loose.
Author is an immigrant, so dont expect fairness.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
State of Mind
I feel alive today, its a big deal for me. I feel that suddenly enormous amount of energy has been infused in me, and I am flying in the air of my beleief. I want to face the world, now. There is a fresh believe in me, that I can get whatever I want. I can do whatever I want. I dont want to waste it in doing something trivial.
Reason for this fresh flow of energy, may be because I had a good sleep in the noon. Or, I read some inspiring blogs yesterday. One of them is suze's blog. Or may be, the day to meet my people is nearing. Or may be, there is a good chance that one of my best friend will be with me next year. Life without friends can be realised only without them. Or, may be its raining again and it feels really fresh. Or, the hard days of semesters are nearly coming to end. Or may be I am listening to Bob Dylan's free flowing music. Lot of reasons, huh, any soul would be happy, so am I.
I wish this feeling stays for ever. I wish I am always alive. .......
Reason for this fresh flow of energy, may be because I had a good sleep in the noon. Or, I read some inspiring blogs yesterday. One of them is suze's blog. Or may be, the day to meet my people is nearing. Or may be, there is a good chance that one of my best friend will be with me next year. Life without friends can be realised only without them. Or, may be its raining again and it feels really fresh. Or, the hard days of semesters are nearly coming to end. Or may be I am listening to Bob Dylan's free flowing music. Lot of reasons, huh, any soul would be happy, so am I.
I wish this feeling stays for ever. I wish I am always alive. .......
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
My favourite movies (not in the order)
1. Harold and kumar goto the white castle: Overflowing with laughter, also it reminds me of good old days of IIT when we bunch of friends used to have g****.
2. Good Will Hunting: Amazing pholosophy, Eye opener in terms of philosophy of life.
3. Basic Instinct: Even a celibate man would give up after seeing sharon stone in this movie.
4. Satya: One of the most realistic portrayel of underworld gang wars and their true story.
5. Dil Se: One of the most intense love story I have seen.
6. Gandhi: I am a big fan of this guy for his conviction.
7. Forest Gump: Tom Hanks is too good and the subject no one can think about.
8. Black: Amazing acting by Big B (best so far) and co-stars. Sanjay Bhansali's work of life time.
9. Dil Chahta hai: Simply Bindaas.
10. God Father 1: Al Pacino, Marlon Brando, brilliant actors, awesome movie.
2. Good Will Hunting: Amazing pholosophy, Eye opener in terms of philosophy of life.
3. Basic Instinct: Even a celibate man would give up after seeing sharon stone in this movie.
4. Satya: One of the most realistic portrayel of underworld gang wars and their true story.
5. Dil Se: One of the most intense love story I have seen.
6. Gandhi: I am a big fan of this guy for his conviction.
7. Forest Gump: Tom Hanks is too good and the subject no one can think about.
8. Black: Amazing acting by Big B (best so far) and co-stars. Sanjay Bhansali's work of life time.
9. Dil Chahta hai: Simply Bindaas.
10. God Father 1: Al Pacino, Marlon Brando, brilliant actors, awesome movie.
Appeal
Hi Readers, I dont know who else (besides me) belongs to the set of readers, but if you are reading this blog, then do find time to post some comments. I tell you that not doing this is really rude, I need your feedback as any artist :D does.
I see that my profile views are 94 and I dont see even a single comment.
If you find any article pain in ass to read, then write it, if you find any idea faulty, condemn it but just write something. No praises are welcome, I know how good I am but what I dont know are my faults, so only criticism is welcome.
Thanks
Anupam
I see that my profile views are 94 and I dont see even a single comment.
If you find any article pain in ass to read, then write it, if you find any idea faulty, condemn it but just write something. No praises are welcome, I know how good I am but what I dont know are my faults, so only criticism is welcome.
Thanks
Anupam
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
How to waste time during graduate life
This post is dedicated to all those who are embarking on the journey of graduate studies in US. Even though, I have seen three months of graduate life, I think that I have cracked it in the sense that I know how to have fun in graduate life and do
not bad in academics. If you follow this, fun is guaranteed but nothing else.
1. First of all, make a phoren girl friend so that at least you are guaranteed of something in your life ;-) and it is wise to have something than nothing. And believe me, last thing you would like to ensure are your grades, because they dont matter that much in life, what matters is fun.
2. Try to learn something some skilled sport or music instrument or do something else which you really like. This is the last time in your life when you will be that free so this is the best time to invest time in something which is time consuming. And once you know something, you can enjoy whenever you want.
3. Read, Write blogs, you will come to know you are not the only soul on earth who is so free.
4. Keep looking for employment opportunities, or what you would like to do when you graduate.
5. Party, rest of the time.
not bad in academics. If you follow this, fun is guaranteed but nothing else.
1. First of all, make a phoren girl friend so that at least you are guaranteed of something in your life ;-) and it is wise to have something than nothing. And believe me, last thing you would like to ensure are your grades, because they dont matter that much in life, what matters is fun.
2. Try to learn something some skilled sport or music instrument or do something else which you really like. This is the last time in your life when you will be that free so this is the best time to invest time in something which is time consuming. And once you know something, you can enjoy whenever you want.
3. Read, Write blogs, you will come to know you are not the only soul on earth who is so free.
4. Keep looking for employment opportunities, or what you would like to do when you graduate.
5. Party, rest of the time.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Lonliness
It has been three full months of lonliness. It is not that bad as it sounds. But it is now getting into me and be a part of me. Now, even when I am in a group, I feel lonely. I feel like there is a shell around me which doesnt lets me socialize. I have become anti-social now. I dont know where will it end, and I dont even want to contemplate on that.
Effects of lonliness: You become self sufficient, in a way a strong individual. But its not fun , even though it sounds good. Some examples of self sufficiency: You play two player games like racket ball, by yourself. You start talking to yourself and lot of similar stuff. According to some people these are signs of insanity, but I dont know whether technically they are or not.
There is fun part to lonliness also. It gives you more time than you ever had. If you organize yourself well, you can do bunch of things, for which you dont need people around and they are fun, like writing an article like this. Doing the things, you always wanted but didnt have time. But, for all these things you have to be organized because if you are not, it is very likely depression will take over you. Reason being, life is never perfect and most of the people tend to be pessimistic. So, the key is to organize yourself, find some interesting things and pursue them.
Music was always a special friend of mine, but now it is my only friend. These are not my words but I have felt them close to my heart. Lot of songs which were just songs to me before are now my bread and butter. I am changing, and am liking it.
Lonliness affects the person. Now it is upto the individual how to act. There are only two paths, there is no middle path. It is essentially binary. To support it, US society is the most prominent society. Its essential nature of being individualistic, creates people who can be broadly categorised into two: maniacs or absolutely wise. There are living/dead and famous examples of this, which I dont want to quote here.
Infact, I would go ahead and say that, it is mandatory to be alone in order to be wise. Sometimes, I feel that now I can imagine things what I couldnt have before.
The more time you spend with yourself, the more you understand yourself and things around. Infact, you tend to develop an uncanny ability to analyze everything, which might bug you at times because it is not required but neverthless, it has its own benefits. The most prominent advantage is your reasoning power shoots up.
All said and done, currently, I am dying to be with my people in December. This means how badly I want it to end. Because, there is no greater joy than to be with the people you really love. This is another thing lonliness teaches you.
Effects of lonliness: You become self sufficient, in a way a strong individual. But its not fun , even though it sounds good. Some examples of self sufficiency: You play two player games like racket ball, by yourself. You start talking to yourself and lot of similar stuff. According to some people these are signs of insanity, but I dont know whether technically they are or not.
There is fun part to lonliness also. It gives you more time than you ever had. If you organize yourself well, you can do bunch of things, for which you dont need people around and they are fun, like writing an article like this. Doing the things, you always wanted but didnt have time. But, for all these things you have to be organized because if you are not, it is very likely depression will take over you. Reason being, life is never perfect and most of the people tend to be pessimistic. So, the key is to organize yourself, find some interesting things and pursue them.
Music was always a special friend of mine, but now it is my only friend. These are not my words but I have felt them close to my heart. Lot of songs which were just songs to me before are now my bread and butter. I am changing, and am liking it.
Lonliness affects the person. Now it is upto the individual how to act. There are only two paths, there is no middle path. It is essentially binary. To support it, US society is the most prominent society. Its essential nature of being individualistic, creates people who can be broadly categorised into two: maniacs or absolutely wise. There are living/dead and famous examples of this, which I dont want to quote here.
Infact, I would go ahead and say that, it is mandatory to be alone in order to be wise. Sometimes, I feel that now I can imagine things what I couldnt have before.
The more time you spend with yourself, the more you understand yourself and things around. Infact, you tend to develop an uncanny ability to analyze everything, which might bug you at times because it is not required but neverthless, it has its own benefits. The most prominent advantage is your reasoning power shoots up.
All said and done, currently, I am dying to be with my people in December. This means how badly I want it to end. Because, there is no greater joy than to be with the people you really love. This is another thing lonliness teaches you.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Before I die
I want to prove myself that I am not a selfish soul.
I want to serve the society around me and also not around me.
I want to feel true love and absolute vulnerablity.
I want to understand myself.
I want to uplift my morails so that I can manifest my real self.
I want to break all the shackles I have bounded myself with.
I want to understand the depth of my emotions.
I want to create something which does not dies with me.
I want to attain NIRVANA.
I want to submit myself against god.
Now, these are the things I want now:
I want to have the best orgasm every night till I die.
I want to win a billion dollar lottery so that problem of money is taken care of.
I want to own a fancy car and a big beach view house in california
I want to spend a night with demi moore, I bet she will want more.
I want to date every girl I like. And then ..
I want to open a startup which can surpass google's stock price, nerds wish this.
I want all the luxuries at my fingertips.
I want the best/oldest wines of france right here
I want to kick everyone's ass who has kicked mine in past.
I want to ..
I want to serve the society around me and also not around me.
I want to feel true love and absolute vulnerablity.
I want to understand myself.
I want to uplift my morails so that I can manifest my real self.
I want to break all the shackles I have bounded myself with.
I want to understand the depth of my emotions.
I want to create something which does not dies with me.
I want to attain NIRVANA.
I want to submit myself against god.
Now, these are the things I want now:
I want to have the best orgasm every night till I die.
I want to win a billion dollar lottery so that problem of money is taken care of.
I want to own a fancy car and a big beach view house in california
I want to spend a night with demi moore, I bet she will want more.
I want to date every girl I like. And then ..
I want to open a startup which can surpass google's stock price, nerds wish this.
I want all the luxuries at my fingertips.
I want the best/oldest wines of france right here
I want to kick everyone's ass who has kicked mine in past.
I want to ..
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Good Will Hunting .. not a critic review
But a fanatic review. Clearly the best movie I have so far. I just loved the philosophy, the movie gives out. "Life is not about winning any medal or achieving any feet, but to feel happy in whatever you are doing." I have seen it n times and still the last time I saw it, I was totally engrossed by the movie.
Life is not about goals it is about feeling truly happy when you are pursuing them intently or preferably unintentially. Life is about emotions, happiness, contentment which seem to be trivial when we have them. I did not know that life is that simple, but realising it makes it really easy.
Sean's character displays 100% wisdom, I wish to have it sometimes in future. He goes on to give his views on life in general. The first time I saw the movie, it was as if another universe has been unraveled in front of my eyes and I am just awed, it was looking the life as real. It is really ironical that I have lived almost one third of my life and have been oblivious of the real pleasures. I realised that life is as lucid as anything can be since everything has a clearly defined purpose. And it is our skewed rationality and lust, which messes things up.
And it is not easy to enjoy whatever you are doing, so you have to do what you enjoy. This makes decisions so simple, just follow your heart and give your shot. And this is what matters, how good your shot was, did you feel good after doing it ?
There is an arrogant professor also who symbolises us, how we are working hard to get acclaims in various forms without thinking whether we really need them or may be want them. The conversations between the professor and Sean are particularly interesting.
Then there is the protaganist Will, who is a genius and arrogant chap. But, its interesting how Sean shows him how shallow his life and then how he opens up. All the fundas are given out in their conversations.
A life turner movie !!
Life is not about goals it is about feeling truly happy when you are pursuing them intently or preferably unintentially. Life is about emotions, happiness, contentment which seem to be trivial when we have them. I did not know that life is that simple, but realising it makes it really easy.
Sean's character displays 100% wisdom, I wish to have it sometimes in future. He goes on to give his views on life in general. The first time I saw the movie, it was as if another universe has been unraveled in front of my eyes and I am just awed, it was looking the life as real. It is really ironical that I have lived almost one third of my life and have been oblivious of the real pleasures. I realised that life is as lucid as anything can be since everything has a clearly defined purpose. And it is our skewed rationality and lust, which messes things up.
And it is not easy to enjoy whatever you are doing, so you have to do what you enjoy. This makes decisions so simple, just follow your heart and give your shot. And this is what matters, how good your shot was, did you feel good after doing it ?
There is an arrogant professor also who symbolises us, how we are working hard to get acclaims in various forms without thinking whether we really need them or may be want them. The conversations between the professor and Sean are particularly interesting.
Then there is the protaganist Will, who is a genius and arrogant chap. But, its interesting how Sean shows him how shallow his life and then how he opens up. All the fundas are given out in their conversations.
A life turner movie !!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Free Zone ?
Chronologically, this should have been the first post. but wotever, the real idea of this space is now becoming clear and it would evolve over time.
Let me arrange the article as question and answer session, that way it becomes easier to write without going off the topic.
Q1. What is Free Zone ?
Ans. This is my effort to create a space without any prejudices, any kind of force, neutral, rational environment. To lucidify it, imagine a region in space which does not experience gravitational pull or any other kind of force. In that region, you can reach wherever you want, you can design whatever you can dream of, or in other words everyone is all powerful. Compare that space to where we are living, i.e. on earth. We cant fly, we cant run for ever, we cant live for ever, most of us cant get what they want, but we keep running untill death stops us.
What I mean is from the day the child is born to the day he comes some what sensible, he has been riveted by so many chains that he cant see beyond them. And start running in the race of rivetting himself more and more. This is because the conditioning this world does is so permanent and seems to be so real, that the actual "real" becomes eclipsed.
Then what is actually "real" is, nobody can answer this for anyone. You have to follow your heart if you want to know this. By heart, I dont mean senses because senses are very superficial.
So, the free zone stands for absolute freedom of thought: free from all prejudices, free from all the rivets this world has given us and hence it stands for absolute rationality.
Why free zone?
Because, I wish therefore. lol .... Or may be I have lot of time to spare and nothing more interesting to do. Plus, it helps to clear my mind and improve my writing skills. Better reason for this, even though I dont aim that is if it helps anyone or starts a debate, that would be interesting.
Plus, I find myself an average performer and if I can lift myself and be in a free zone then that would be wonderful. I am sure it exists because I see people who are in it.
How ?
By discussions, by thoughts, am not sure what to write here. I am still in experimental mode, so when I will have something, I will come back here.
Let me arrange the article as question and answer session, that way it becomes easier to write without going off the topic.
Q1. What is Free Zone ?
Ans. This is my effort to create a space without any prejudices, any kind of force, neutral, rational environment. To lucidify it, imagine a region in space which does not experience gravitational pull or any other kind of force. In that region, you can reach wherever you want, you can design whatever you can dream of, or in other words everyone is all powerful. Compare that space to where we are living, i.e. on earth. We cant fly, we cant run for ever, we cant live for ever, most of us cant get what they want, but we keep running untill death stops us.
What I mean is from the day the child is born to the day he comes some what sensible, he has been riveted by so many chains that he cant see beyond them. And start running in the race of rivetting himself more and more. This is because the conditioning this world does is so permanent and seems to be so real, that the actual "real" becomes eclipsed.
Then what is actually "real" is, nobody can answer this for anyone. You have to follow your heart if you want to know this. By heart, I dont mean senses because senses are very superficial.
So, the free zone stands for absolute freedom of thought: free from all prejudices, free from all the rivets this world has given us and hence it stands for absolute rationality.
Why free zone?
Because, I wish therefore. lol .... Or may be I have lot of time to spare and nothing more interesting to do. Plus, it helps to clear my mind and improve my writing skills. Better reason for this, even though I dont aim that is if it helps anyone or starts a debate, that would be interesting.
Plus, I find myself an average performer and if I can lift myself and be in a free zone then that would be wonderful. I am sure it exists because I see people who are in it.
How ?
By discussions, by thoughts, am not sure what to write here. I am still in experimental mode, so when I will have something, I will come back here.
PhD or not ?
This question is haunting me for the past couple of years. When I was completing my bachelors, I was pretty sure that I dont have to do it since I was majoring in Computer Science (CS) and doing a Phd would have meant sticking to this field for all my life. It was like marrying CS in the indian style i.e. no divorce possible. This thought was scary because I didnt think I belonged to CS that much. Dont ask me then, why did I major in CS then, because in india you follow the herd, and thats what I did. But at all places herd mentality doesnt works, so here I am pretty much confused of what to do in my life.
I can choose to have a life of economic prosperity in US, but if do it I will loose my self, I will loose my goals. Unfortunately, I dont what are my goals? I wish I had some. I can easily chose to do a Phd and after that devote myself to research. But, I dont see this happening. Several reasons are accountable for this, first I dont think I have the perseverance required for research. Second, academic position which is a dream place for most researchers, is not fascinating for me. Third, I dont want to do research in most of the subjects I have studied in last years, rather I find other subjects which I have not studied more interesting. I have speculations regarding my commitment. If I didnt like something I studied, it maght be true that I wont like the other subjects once I study them. Who knows ?
The reason is I dont know myself. I just confessed something which I always feared to do. I wish it was untrue.
But, I see that the professors in places like harvard are people who are more capable than most of the CEOs and it is the latter ones who frequently goto the prior ones for consultation. They are like sun revering in their aura, wow I wish I could become like them sometimes in my life. Hopeless hopes, I know. All of these guys have one thing in common, they had a special interest and they wanted to delve deeper into it. Unfortunately, I dont have any.
These are the reasons why I dont want to do a PhD. But, I admire some of the PhDs that I am forced to think again and try to find a reason for doing a PhD. PhD is your original contribution to the body of knowledge. No matter how small it is, it is something you have created and the pleasure you would get in it is far more than any material pleasure. And it would be really worth it. But then it is a long commitment, a commitment of life time. And unless you really love doing research, you wont be able to sustain the rigor research entails.
All said and done, it seems that I am not fit for a phd. I hope this is the last time I am debating on this issue. I am a petty individual who I guess has not many options but to go for earning money and be satisfied with lesser self.
I can choose to have a life of economic prosperity in US, but if do it I will loose my self, I will loose my goals. Unfortunately, I dont what are my goals? I wish I had some. I can easily chose to do a Phd and after that devote myself to research. But, I dont see this happening. Several reasons are accountable for this, first I dont think I have the perseverance required for research. Second, academic position which is a dream place for most researchers, is not fascinating for me. Third, I dont want to do research in most of the subjects I have studied in last years, rather I find other subjects which I have not studied more interesting. I have speculations regarding my commitment. If I didnt like something I studied, it maght be true that I wont like the other subjects once I study them. Who knows ?
The reason is I dont know myself. I just confessed something which I always feared to do. I wish it was untrue.
But, I see that the professors in places like harvard are people who are more capable than most of the CEOs and it is the latter ones who frequently goto the prior ones for consultation. They are like sun revering in their aura, wow I wish I could become like them sometimes in my life. Hopeless hopes, I know. All of these guys have one thing in common, they had a special interest and they wanted to delve deeper into it. Unfortunately, I dont have any.
These are the reasons why I dont want to do a PhD. But, I admire some of the PhDs that I am forced to think again and try to find a reason for doing a PhD. PhD is your original contribution to the body of knowledge. No matter how small it is, it is something you have created and the pleasure you would get in it is far more than any material pleasure. And it would be really worth it. But then it is a long commitment, a commitment of life time. And unless you really love doing research, you wont be able to sustain the rigor research entails.
All said and done, it seems that I am not fit for a phd. I hope this is the last time I am debating on this issue. I am a petty individual who I guess has not many options but to go for earning money and be satisfied with lesser self.
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