My Struggle with Myself

This is the toughest times of my life when I am struggling against myself. My body and my soul are discordent. What I believe in, I am not acting according to it, there is a broad contradiction in me, and someone who cannot stand anybody else's contradiction has to stand his own. May be it is because I am killing my natural insticts, is it worthwhile doing it? I dont know. But do I want to do it? May be Yes, for something unknown, something which is divine or sacred or cosmic or eternal. The child has to die, and the man has to come out. And this seems to be the correct time for this, things are ready and waiting to welcome him.

Is it good for me, I dont know but I know I want this to happen because the rebillion inside me has to calm down and this seems to be the only plausible state where this can happen. I am amazed by life and how it forces you to change, life is dynamic will be an understatement. Life to me is like a hiking experience, but I want to reach the peak before liberating. I want to expirience the greatest high, possibly the life can give me.

This struggle is like the struggle you have to do when you shift from a less slanting trail to the more one, so it is quite possible that the trail is endless and so is this struggle. But, I am hoping for the next minute of absolute stillness.

Bored from Life

Same old sun, same old people, same old crappy food, same old me, the world seems to have stopped. It seems that people have become machines: bunch of morons. Lets make it little interesting. Lets play with it, change it, turn it upside down.

Lets give the animals a chance to do what they want. These are some of the things they might want to do. Wot if a tiger instead of pouncing on a deer, runs away from him to save his life. Wot if people instead of running for money start running away from it and none of their activites are direced to earn money. Wot if the fireman instead of spreading water on fire, spreads kerosene. What if when it rains, it drops fire instead of water. What if being evil is the virtue and being sacred is a sin. What if hitler is the hero and Gandhi is the villain. What if we take education just for the sake of learning. What if sun doesnt rises tomarrow. What if the only things we do are love, travel and die. What if we know the secret of birth and death. What if we can swim to the moon. What if we can fly on ocean. What if ..

The changed world wont be hell, simply because this world is also not perfect. But that world might be more interesting.

God Bless America !!

Before coming to America, I had heard of this phrase as little modified, which was: "God Bless you". This really made sense to me since it is always considered good if you wish good for other people. But, things are really different in America: they use this phrase as: "God Bless America" which means "God Bless Me". This sounds funny, it just reveals the American Principals, how much they need god's blessings despite of the fact that theirs is the most prosperous country in the world.

It seems that for Americans, America is the end of the world, I see slogans like: "I dream of drug free America". There is another slogan: "In God we Trust", you can find this at the airports and other prominent places. Again, I am used to a little different version of it: "In God we Fear". But, I guess what fits in America is "In God we trust and In Osama we Fear", its funny atleast.

All this makes me feel, that America really needs God's blessings. Hey God, please bless them with some humanity and reality!!!.

Lets just say ... i was testing the bounds of reality

The movie will begin in 5 minutes ... there is nothing new in it, you have seen it through and through, When you die there should be enough in your life to make a movie on it.

These are jim morrison's words. I am really puzzled after seeing the movie: "The Doors". It just adds to the already present fanaticisim in me.